Scientists Slash Estimated Number of Human Genes

In the process of narrowing the number of human genes, scientists have given up on determining which specific genes do the following:

• Makes you a lover, not a fighter
• Makes you believe it tastes great
• Makes you believe it's less filling
• Makes you enjoy prop comics
• Makes you believe your vote counts
• Makes you wanna holla'
• Makes it easy on yourself, 'cause breaking up is so very hard to do*
• Makes you forget about Poland
• Makes you think "irregardless" is a word
• Makes you rationalize buying Sheryl Crow albums
• Makes it all okay**
• Makes you think bunting on a pitcher with a gimpy ankle is unsportsmanlike, yet slapping the ball out of the pitchers hand while running to first base is perfectly acceptable
• Makes you seriously consider buying the new William Shatner album

*Jon, if you are reading, the Burt Bacharach reference is for you, buddy

**I told you I listened to the new R.E.M. album too much